Current Life Update 

17 Mar

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Here is a quick update on me and why I’ve been so quiet. 

So for those that follow me you know that I’ve recently moved from the west coast to the east coast to live with my girlfriend I’ve been on and off with for four years. She had renal failure a while back and asked me to move here to be with here so we could spend our days together. She picked out our apartment and was so excited to live together and diet together. Everything was finally going my way for the first time in my life. I don’t ask for much, just love. I don’t mind living disabled for life as long as I get married and have a chance to have a family. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to be happy. 

On the 5 day car ride here my girlfriend posted she was “single” on her social media. The closer I got she ran away, she got cold feet. I went to see here the second day I arrived and it freaked her out I went to her work to bring her a bagel she asked me to get her. It made no sense but she told me not to surprise her or come to her work and respect her boundaries. She told me she needed time. A month later she invites me to lunch. We had a good lunch and she said all the things I wanted to hear but again said she “needs time to think”. She said “we will move in together, we will be a couple and do things together, I will stay the night soon…”. Then the next day she asked me to open up and tell her things and if I did then she would open up. She asked how I felt about her, I told her she was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met and I would have never moved this far if I didn’t truly love her…..just nice normal things. She stopped talking to me. For weeks no reply to texts. 

I collapsed at the store below my apartment (I will post about that next) and I told her and she didn’t reply. I feel alone and just want some answers of why she is treating me this way after I left everything and everyone I love behind, renting an apartment I don’t need, leasing a car I don’t need or drive, I’m broke and used up all my life savings for her. So I asked her to come over one night to talk and she said “I can’t” yet she’s had plenty of time to hang out with friends. So I got fed up and went to her work, she first had a co-worker lie and say she wasn’t there then I saw her and she told me she was too busy to talk. So I sat at her work for three hours hoping she would come over on her break or give in and say hi. Nope, she clocked out and snuck out the back door and left me sitting there like a fool. Then she blocked me on text so I have no way to contact her. She said I crossed into her personal space and crossed the boundaries going to her work so she’s mad at me. 

She doesn’t get all that I went through just for her. The packing, the passing out, left all my doctors and can no longer find a doctor to get my meds so far, paying rent and a car lease when I was fine living with my parents and not driving…. I didn’t have to do all of this but I did it to show her someone believes in her and loves her. She’s had a rough life and was hurt by a lot of people she trusted, beat childhood cancer, she’s very sick but works hard everyday and wears her body down…… I thought she wanted someone who sees what a good person she can be. But when she’s pushing me away she really knows how to hurt and make me feel alone. She makes me feel like I’m a bad guy for wanting to take care of her, love her, want to see her..etc. most girls wish they had a nice guy and she has one but doesn’t want to talk. 

I don’t want to give up on her but she doesn’t make it very easy. I’m sicker, laying in bed or on the couch sleeping 16 hours a day and have nobody here to help me. If she would just talk and tell me what she wants. If I try to leave she won’t let me but if I want to talk she is quiet and needs time. I hope she will talk soon and realize that love is not as scary as she thinks it is. I know this is a big step in her life but it was a big step in mine too. You can’t run away or leave someone at the alter and think that is okay. Communication is always the way to go. 
Sorry I had to vent so you know that I’m in a dark place right now. 

5 Responses to “Current Life Update ”

  1. laurieeyebee March 17, 2016 at 9:46 am #

    Boy, I feel so bad for you…you’re sick, she’s sick, but you’re not on the same page as it relates to commitment. I’d say she’s “testing” you (I’m a lifelong commitment-shy person) but I’d say you passed that test with flying colors. I am so sorry and wish I had some wise words for you. I’d leave her alone for now, I guess. Try to take care of yourself and weigh your options.

    • 49er Bryan March 17, 2016 at 9:57 am #

      Thank you, I really could use a female perspective and someone who can relate to her commitment issues. I guess I will just give her some time. I’ve done all I can and flight for her. My last text I told her I would fight through anything with her and always be right here for her.

      • Mame March 17, 2016 at 11:46 pm #

        My heart goes out to you, truly. I’m a commitment phobe and somehow have maintained the same boyfriend for 6 years. He knows exactly where I stand with him. Of course, there are challenges and he actually did move to be near me. Sometimes fear of being burned can make people build a wall. But it seems like you have completely put yourself out there, even putting yourself in a vulnerable position with your health. You’ve done your part and beyond. It’s her turn to put herself out there.

        I will be going to my regular treatment on Tuesday and will see if my doc knows anyone on the east coast. She travels a lot. The recommended doc may not be close enough to you, but they may be able to guide you to the medical care you need. Please stay strong! You are in my prayers.

  2. Brian March 19, 2016 at 3:44 pm #

    I hate to break it to you but your priorities are wrong. Health is priority #1. Girlfriend is last priority.

  3. Skulls_Roses (@Roseslsjsie) June 22, 2016 at 12:30 am #

    Brian. You must must must must adhere to certain rules, one of them is diet. I cannot eat processed foods or carbohydrates of any kind, otherwise my excruciating pain/low body temp/crushing fatigue/lupus/MS symptoms all come rushing back. Even with a few carbs….I can’t do it. A raw, low carb diet along with daily detox methods ie…sauna, enema(for my double MTHFR genes don’t work on their own)….All in all it’s a daily process of about 3 to 4 hrs a day.It took 5 months before it kicked in but I lifted weights when I could hardly lift my arms & I ate a terrible organic veggie diet..But it’s the sacrifice for menial health. By no means do I feel good, but I’m able to function & get up & leave the house here & there. You say you want a family, well a girl is going to want to see you do something for yourself. Not just accept illness as it is. I’m saying this cause I read your blog & want to help. You have every right to complain everyday. I just want to let you know it’s not a jail sentence. I have friends who’ve been bedbound for yrs & in & out of hospitals with lyme, come back & get some of their life back. I was deathly sick for 11 yrs before I finally decided that I wanted to have kids before I got too old.”Don’t go quietly into the night” as they say…..fight, fight, fight….

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