Dating With Lyme – This Is What I Put Up With Often

4 Aug



Dating With Lyme And Rude People


I have mentioned before I am trying to date and having no success. I just want to share the type of messages I receive from girls. This just shows people’s true colors and how they are quick to assume and judge others. I have been single for 6 years and figure it is time to find love since I am tired of being alone. I want to marry and have kids one way or the other.

I have talked to others about dating with Lyme and they also get rude, mean-spirited messages. I don’t understand how hard it is to ask “what illness do you have” or “I’m sorry you have to go through that horrible disease but you seem like a great person and worth a try”. But instead people assume you are some contagious, dying person who does not deserve to be loved.

I have been talking to this girl for about a week on a dating site. In my profile it states I am “disabled/retired” and “chronically ill” yet nobody ever takes the time to read my profile they just look at pictures. So after chatting for days I asked she asked “what are your thoughts on me having two kids”, which I replied I have no issues with it and I always wanted to have a large family 3-4 kids.  I wrote “did you notice where I said I am chronically ill, what are your thoughts?”. Below is the response I woke up  and read today.




Her reply


“Wow! I did not know that you were chronically ill. I read this last night and it actually made me upset. Not because you are ill but because it made me think that you are incredibly self-centered. You think that the reason women were turned of by your profile is because you are on disability and Medicare? That is not it at all!

I’ll bet that you have never really seen the situation from the other person’s point of view. Well, here it is. You want to fall in love again and want the other person to love you. You want to have a child with that person. Then you eventually will become too ill to take care of yourself making it so that the other person has to assist you with all of your daily activities (hygiene, eating, going to the bathroom, etc.). Then you will make that person endure the agony of passing away. They will then be a single parent because of course, you want a child. You are not going to be around to see that child grow up or even support it in any way. So basically you are looking for someone who will go through the agony of watching you die and raise a child as a single parent? That is really selfish of you.

Being a single parent is not easy. Nor is watching someone get sicker and sicker until they die. I should know. My mother is a Stage 4 Cancer patient and is going to be on chemo for the rest of her life. Every day I see her get weaker and weaker. There are days that she can’t eat or even get out of bed. How could you even consider putting someone through the pain of watching that happen? That too intentionally?

And then to top it off, you want to add a child to that mix? Do you have tons of money set aside to help that person raise the child? Or a hefty insurance policy that they could use to put this child through college? I am assuming not. Raising a child takes time and money. In addition, have you thought about the fact that the other person is looking for someone to spend the rest of THEIR life with? I mean, after you pass away, they are going to be in the same position they are in now only this time with a child!

Seriously, you have got to be incredibly self-centered to think that what you are doing on this site is acceptable. If I were you, I would discontinue my membership. What you want is completely not fair to the other person. Now is it fair to have child with someone knowing you will not be able to assist in raising them.

Don’t email me again. I have no interest in knowing you.”




As you can see she has “terminally ill” and “chronically ill” mixed up and was very quick to judge me and assume. I just really love the fact she had to mention death over and over..sheesh. If I were dying this was an evil message anyway. Please people educate yourself and have an open mind before you jump down someone’s throat!

I can see things from her side but like I said she never asked what I had or gave any sympathy. She just made me feel like a big old POS. I have received numerous messages like this one. In 6 years I have yet to find anyone with compassion or caring.




24 Responses to “Dating With Lyme – This Is What I Put Up With Often”

  1. food, health and happiness August 4, 2012 at 10:09 pm #

    no worries dear, you might be chronically ill but she’s terminally stupid. you’re still in the fight!

    • 49erBry August 4, 2012 at 10:59 pm #

      Lol good one! Love it, thanks for the laughs.

      • Joanne Nuckton August 5, 2012 at 1:51 am #

        Hang in there friend. I think only about 15% of the human race has compassion within themselves, let alone sharing it with others. Look for the 15%, you’ll find her.

        On another note, I have Lyme bugs coming out of my scalp and biting me all over. They are tinier than tiny. The size of a grain of sugar. Does anyone else have this? They leave welts, bites, or they just crawl on my skin. This has been going on for two years and I’m going crazy. I’ve put everything you can imagine on my head to kill them, but nothing works. Tonight I tried boric acid for three hours and they still came down and bit me. It’s torture. Ideas? Thanks.

      • 49erBry August 5, 2012 at 2:16 am #

        Thanks 🙂 …As for the bugs you may want to try Artemisinin. If that doesn’t help try Mimosa, Ivermectin or some supplement that the tiny bugs/worms do not like. You have to make your body unlivable for them and poison them. Wormwood or Artemsinin is a good one to start with. They sound like mites. Scabies would leave long red marks where they burrow under the skin. You may also want to try a shampoo with charcoal or zinc? Not sure but it stinks and there is a small section at retail stores. Good luck

      • Joanne Nuckton August 5, 2012 at 2:23 pm #

        Thanks for the ideas! I’m on Ivermectin, but only once a week. I’ll try the others and see if I can get some relief. Mine do leave long red marks so maybe it is scabies. I’ve tried the Permethrin treatment for scabies repeatedly without success. It’s strange because mine bite in several different ways: long or short red welts, small round bites, burrowing into the skin, or scraping bites similar to an abrasion. I’m slathered in Castor Oil now just to make them stay put. I know they’re still in there, but they can’t move around and bite me. Thanks for listening.

      • 49erBry August 6, 2012 at 12:24 am #

        Those so sound like scabies to me. Worms can leave some good red marks under the skin but they look like worm trails. The reason I know about scabies was from when I was a child. My friends and I played in dirt tunnels a lot. My best friend had scabies and he had these red, narrow, long scabs all over his arms and body. The look like cuts that scabbed over. He itched a lot. I am not sure how he treated them but I know they went away pretty fast. This was in the 80’s though. It had to be some form of pill and cream. Maybe try a dermatologist and they can give you some good tips. Best of luck

  2. tori August 5, 2012 at 11:44 am #

    I’m so glad you found that woman’s true colors and didn’t end up meeting her! She sounds like an idiot. I think you should email her the link to your post and the comments!

    If I meet someone or just a new friend, I first say what I used to do (sometimes I use the past perfect tense, “I’ve worked as a — for a long time”–this tense is vague enough that they don’t get that I am not working, yet I am not lying), and my hobbies, which I still pursue.

    Then (not necessarily at the first meeting), I add that I’m not working much because a long time ago I got bitten by a tick and developed Lyme and complications and I still have chronic pain and need downtime, so it’s hard for me to work full time. If they get all worried, I say it’s OK, with painkillers I’m not suffering. I just need to take care of myself, that’s all, and I hope to go back to work when I can. If they express that they are supportive, I feel I can get to know that person. If they act skeptical or seem put off, then I know they are not meant to be in my life. Most are supportive.

    I do agree it is really hard to explain this to strangers. Maybe explain that you are on your own and managing, tell them your prognosis, and tell them you are well enough to be a dad–if not now, then you expect to be by the time that happens (just saying you expect something is not promising anything). What women really want from men, and usually can’t find, is attention and emotional support, so emphasize how you are able to give those things to them.

    I think if you use a little “spin” to give them the illness news gently you will come out OK.

    • tori August 5, 2012 at 11:48 am #

      Oh-forgot to say-in your profile, you can say that you’re working on recovery from some health problems. First meet the person, THEN tell them more. You can mention in your profile you want kids but don’t start talking having kids with the person you’re writing to before meeting them. Keep it short–just meet! Hope you don’t mind my giving you my 2 cents!

      • 49erBry August 6, 2012 at 12:18 am #

        I don’t mind your 2 cents at all. I welcome input. I have tried pretending to be healthy and tried to date before telling potential dates though in the past. It didn’t work out to great when I finally told them. That’s why I cam to the conclusion to be honest up front. But I may give it another shot. Thanks 🙂

  3. Myra August 12, 2012 at 11:06 pm #

    I am sorry you had to experience such cold and cruel response. What comes to my mind is to tell you to completely disregard that person’s comment and to understand that anything could be completely heal. We are in the miracle year and all illnesses are heal. The whole thing is about nutrition, supplements, and your food code.

  4. Robert Milby August 14, 2012 at 6:16 pm #

    I am sorry to hear this. I understand what you are going through. I have had multiple exposures to Lyme since 1993, and through very hard work, diet and exercise recovered much of my health after each exposure. Never even knew what it was, because of the many strange symptoms, including diabetic symptoms and depression. When it comes to women and dating, don’t forget to consider the age we are living in. A time when both men and women are treated, and act like commodity. There are a lot of wonderful women in the world, as you know. I have been fortunate enough before this current episode of Lyme to date several, over the years, and I too wanted very much to be a husband and father. It never happened, and with the state of health I am in currently, I doubt it ever will. Best of wishes to you!
    Struggling with acceptance,

    • 49erBry August 16, 2012 at 2:26 am #

      I’m sorry to hear that, I truly hope you will find your soul mate and be happy together. This disease can really change lives in so many different ways. Best wishes to you and never give up. – Bryan

  5. tersiaburger August 16, 2012 at 6:27 am #

    How sad that people can be so shallow. My 37 year old daughter is terminally ill and it saddens her that “no one will ever love me again” Her ill health has cost her two marriages. People have romantic notions of holding a dying person’s hand but when that person does not die soon enough they leave.

    Good luck!!

    • 49erBry August 17, 2012 at 1:50 am #

      Ugh I am so sorry to hear about you daughter. It feels so lonely and cold and nobody should be alone during tough times. I remember working with a terminally ill girl who was a friend of mine when we were teens. Everyone in the Walmart store (you know how many employees they hire) would make fun of her for having no hair and nobody would talk to her. It made me so mad and sad that people can treat another human this way just because they are ill or different. I tried my best to make her laugh and smile and I would flirt with her just so she knew someone cared. She ended up passing away a year later and I bet nobody in that Walmart even noticed. That really makes me sick to my stomach to this day how she was treated and ignored. I wish you and you daughter all the best and give her a hug for me.

      • VirtualJen Nifer September 3, 2012 at 1:13 pm #

        That is really awful! I think you should have written her back anyhow and straightened her out. You shouldn’t let her reply get to you, because after all, she didn’t understand what you meant. As a CFS patient who hasn’t had a significant relationship in the 10 years since I got sick, I do understand how this probably doesn’t help, because dating when sick is so hard, and you put yourself out there telling her you were sick, so even though she obviously misunderstood what you said, it still feeds your fears and it still feels like a rejection of you, even though it technically wasn’t, right? Sigh. What can I say, these illnesses suck. Sometimes fantasize about moving to a more affordable country so I can afford help, and adopt a couple of kids & have the help of a nanny to help…no husband necessary, lol. On the other hand, if you’ve ever watched that “Wife Swap” show on TV, it does give one hope that there is someone for everybody, lol! If some of those whacky misfits can find mates, surely there’s hope for those of us with chronic health issues, no?

      • 49erBry September 4, 2012 at 1:16 am #

        You are correct, how do some of those crazy goofballs on wife swap find a mate? I do believe there is someone for everyone. I’ve been around some really mismatched odd couples and wonder how they stay together or put up with each other. I am sorry to hear that you haven’t found anyone either. How can you not find a date you are a very pretty girl if that is you in the picture. Just because we sleep a lot and lack energy doesn’t mean we are lepers lol. I did actually write back to that girl and explained the difference between terminal and chronic and told her I was sorry to hear about her mom but I did not want to know anymore about her either.

        I always think to myself; If a girl can put up with a guy who gets drunk everyday and sits around being a lazy slob or he cheats on her then why can I not find someone. I know it will happen one day but it just seems like it is taking way longer than the norm. People say “be patient I was once in your situation” but then I find out they were only single for about 6 months to a year. I’m going on 7 years single and I feel like I wouldn’t even know what to do if I find someone anymore. But I hate being alone. I want a family.

  6. Jen September 5, 2012 at 9:09 pm #

    Aww, thanks for the sweet comment, yup, that’s me. I can find a date, just not a relationship, I can’t keep up w/seeing someone often, I get too worn out trying to act like a normal person, and I know I’d scare them off or bore them if I let myself be as sick as I am . So lately I really don’t even bother trying to date, it’s just too exhausting, especially because I don’t really know anyone where I live. (Moved into a Senior Community with my Dad when I couldn’t manage to stay afloat on my own anymore a few years ago, an hour away from where I used to live, and my friends couldn’t be bothered to ever come visit) But I’m glad you told her what was what! Hope you find your “person” soon! There are plenty of single people out there in the “normal” world too! I’m hoping once I get my SSDI I’ll be able to afford to get a little better w/alternative medicine & then I’ll probably bother trying, myself!

    • 49erBry September 7, 2012 at 3:27 am #

      I too moved in with my parents in a senior community. They had to get the “okay” to let me live here. I blew through my savings that I had saved up to buy a house. I went 3 years with zero income waiting for SSDI. I was finally awarded just recently. Luckily I had 16 years of work under my belt. I had no idea Medicare doesn’t cover dental and you have to pay $200 or more to keep medicare going. I am thankful but it takes away what little money we get. Good luck with SSDI.

      My clock is ticking and I feel I don’t want to be a 70 year old father of a kid in school. Although I never leave the house I will for the right girl and try my best to not show my pain or exhaustion. Once I announced I was sick I lost all of my family (my parents and a couple others still talk to me) but friends, family who I was close with all abandoned me. They can’t even say “hello”. Who needs them, they are not family anymore to me.

      • Dana November 22, 2012 at 6:10 am #

        I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I am on the other side of the coin. I do not have Lyme Disease and recently became involved with an old friend who does have Lyme. I did not care that he had this disease as I was completely falling for his heart and soul. I was completely on board to help him in any way I could. Unfortunately, he decided he did not want to burden me with the stress of this disease and is now dating someone who in fact does have lyme disease. He says it is easier to be with her because she completely gets it and unfortunately, I never will. He never has to explain himself to her and it is less stressful to be with her. I guess when you are that sick, the less stress you have in your life, the better. It makes me wonder if people with lyme disease are better off dating others with lyme disease. It’s food for thought. Best of luck to you. And by the way, that girl from the online dating service sounds like an idiot with not much compassion.

      • 49erBry November 23, 2012 at 2:29 am #

        I agree with what you said. But in my case I guess I want a healthier person. I would date an ill person but i want someone who can do the things I cannot. Sorry about your situation I guess that guy just felt he needed someone with similarities.

  7. Randy Baker March 17, 2014 at 8:14 am #

    I feel sorry for people like her . My fiance has chronic Lyme Disease & I wouldnt trade her for anyone else . There is someone out there for you .

    • 49erBry March 17, 2014 at 12:41 pm #

      Thank you for the kind words. I am so happy that your fiance has someone like you. I have an great friend and my ex girlfriend who is also ill herself that I still love so I hope something works out.

  8. Crystal O'brien March 6, 2015 at 7:19 am #

    I am so shocked someone would write this. Honestly she did you a favor. Life is not a guarantee and the unexpected can always follow…regardless of your Lyme. What happened to better or for worse! I think you dodged a bullet on this one.

    • 49er Bryan March 7, 2015 at 1:19 am #

      Thanks and I agree with you. I’m glad I didn’t find out what kind of person she was after we got close.

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