Quick Update 

2 Apr


I’m not in a good place in my life physically, mentally and emotionally. The girl I moved here to live with decided she can’t do this so she had someone else text me and tell me “it’s over and to leave her alone now”. Who the hell does that? She’s too afraid to face me and tell me or give me a chance. I don’t want to talk about it but that’s the just of it.

I’ve been sicker and need to be in the hospital but have nobody to drive me. I can barely walk, shaky, fevers, brain hurts worse…. Not sure if it’s the Mepron. I never had trouble with Mepron in the past. I’ve been sleeping a lot and trying to take my mind off things. 

Hang in there guys/gals we will do this. Nothing will stop us! 

Easy Chicken & Beef Gravy With More Flavor 

21 Mar


Chicken/Beef Gravy 

Simple recipe called for 

2 tbs butter 

2 tbs flour 

1 cup chicken broth 

I like to tweak things and try different things to my taste. So I added a few things and it gave the quick gravy a kick of flavor. 

2 tbs Butter 

2 tbs Flour 

1/2 cup chicken stock 

1/2 beef stock 

2 tbs of sour cream (or heavy cream) 

1/4 small yellow onion minced 

1 small clove of garlic minced 



In a heated sauce pan add the minced onion and garlic and use a wooden spoon to stir around for a few minutes. Add the butter to the pan and scrape the flavor off the bottom of the pan and mix in with the butter. Cook a few minutes until butter is bubbling (don’t let it brown), now add the flour. Cook a few more minutes until the rue starts to turn a light brown color. Add some salt and pepper. Now add the chicken and beef broth and sour cream and let the mixture start to bubble. Turn down the heat and let the gravy simmer until it thickens and turns a nice light brown color. 

With my illnesses and the pain I’m in I wish I could be more precise but it did turn pretty good and more flavor than the simple recipe I always use. I used the gravy over homemade garlic mashed potatoes. Good luck 

I Collapsed & Hit My Head & C-Spine 

17 Mar


(Not me in picture, stock photo) 

Over a week ago I was doing my routine when I am able to leave my house or have energy and went to mail a letter down the street and grab a steak sandwich at the deli on the first floor of my apartment. My heart has been acting up and my POTS. I walked maybe a half block to the mailbox. I arrived at the deli/store and ordered my usual sandwich the lady makes for me when I can’t cook my own food. All of the sudden I felt cold sweat, tingling in my arms so I sat on the ground. My arms got really numb, sweat turned hot, legs were tingling, & started to get tunnel vision. People walking by said “you don’t look good are you okay” but I couldn’t really answer them or make a sentence. 

I laid down on the dirty floor for a minute because with my POTS sitting doesn’t help I need to be in the fetal position. The lady said I looked “dead” so I looked into my phone camera and I was pale white with no color at all and black under my eyes I did look like a corpse. After 15 minutes my sandwich was ready and I felt just a bit better. I stood up to pay for my food and handed the lady a $20 (I hope) next thing I remember I heard a loud “THUMP”, and heard a lady screaming “omg I call 911 you not okay” and I woke up a minute later with candy laying all over me and my head against the wall and body flat on the floor. Clerk said I hit my head and neck on the fall when I passed out. 

There was a time where I used to set off my PulseOx alarm daily and would pass out every time I stood up when I lived with my parents so I’m used to this. But normally I would fall on carpet or catch myself before I collapsed fully. This time I hit full on into metal, glass and tile flooring. My neck was killing me after the fall and is still sore. I have many ruptured discs, bulging discs in my neck. My neuro surgeon warned me never ever go on roller coaster, horseback , jet skis…..anything where I can jar my neck because I’m close to being paralysed or a quadrapelgic if I hit my neck just right. I have spinal stenosis, DDD, pinched nerves, disc issues, cysts, my spine is messed up from top to bottom and my spinal cord is being squeezed. So I was lucky I didn’t hurt myself too bad. 

I refused to ambulance because the ER wouldn’t have taken care of me and just sent me home like always. They always say my temp & vitals are the worst they ever seen but then send me home after one bad of saline even though I tell them I don’t feel any better and need to stay. After the hit I might have got another concussion because I slept for three days. My CFS was worse so I’m sleeping 16 hour days and not eating much. I have nobody to take care of me but myself right now and I’m not getting IVIG anymore. Everything is going wrong like my usual luck. I’m waiting for better days or for life to be nice to me. 

As far as my Lyme I’m taking antibiotics and starting back on Mepron for Babesia. My Lyme has been flaring and with my auto-immune and other issues I do feel like I’m dying again. I’m relaxing and resting on the couch all I can and watching tv. I don’t leave the house unless it’s for laundry or quick groceries. I hope my girl stops with the cold feet and will help me out soon. 
Hope you all are hanging in there! Let’s try to keep hope alive 

Current Life Update 

17 Mar

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Here is a quick update on me and why I’ve been so quiet. 

So for those that follow me you know that I’ve recently moved from the west coast to the east coast to live with my girlfriend I’ve been on and off with for four years. She had renal failure a while back and asked me to move here to be with here so we could spend our days together. She picked out our apartment and was so excited to live together and diet together. Everything was finally going my way for the first time in my life. I don’t ask for much, just love. I don’t mind living disabled for life as long as I get married and have a chance to have a family. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to be happy. 

On the 5 day car ride here my girlfriend posted she was “single” on her social media. The closer I got she ran away, she got cold feet. I went to see here the second day I arrived and it freaked her out I went to her work to bring her a bagel she asked me to get her. It made no sense but she told me not to surprise her or come to her work and respect her boundaries. She told me she needed time. A month later she invites me to lunch. We had a good lunch and she said all the things I wanted to hear but again said she “needs time to think”. She said “we will move in together, we will be a couple and do things together, I will stay the night soon…”. Then the next day she asked me to open up and tell her things and if I did then she would open up. She asked how I felt about her, I told her she was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met and I would have never moved this far if I didn’t truly love her…..just nice normal things. She stopped talking to me. For weeks no reply to texts. 

I collapsed at the store below my apartment (I will post about that next) and I told her and she didn’t reply. I feel alone and just want some answers of why she is treating me this way after I left everything and everyone I love behind, renting an apartment I don’t need, leasing a car I don’t need or drive, I’m broke and used up all my life savings for her. So I asked her to come over one night to talk and she said “I can’t” yet she’s had plenty of time to hang out with friends. So I got fed up and went to her work, she first had a co-worker lie and say she wasn’t there then I saw her and she told me she was too busy to talk. So I sat at her work for three hours hoping she would come over on her break or give in and say hi. Nope, she clocked out and snuck out the back door and left me sitting there like a fool. Then she blocked me on text so I have no way to contact her. She said I crossed into her personal space and crossed the boundaries going to her work so she’s mad at me. 

She doesn’t get all that I went through just for her. The packing, the passing out, left all my doctors and can no longer find a doctor to get my meds so far, paying rent and a car lease when I was fine living with my parents and not driving…. I didn’t have to do all of this but I did it to show her someone believes in her and loves her. She’s had a rough life and was hurt by a lot of people she trusted, beat childhood cancer, she’s very sick but works hard everyday and wears her body down…… I thought she wanted someone who sees what a good person she can be. But when she’s pushing me away she really knows how to hurt and make me feel alone. She makes me feel like I’m a bad guy for wanting to take care of her, love her, want to see her..etc. most girls wish they had a nice guy and she has one but doesn’t want to talk. 

I don’t want to give up on her but she doesn’t make it very easy. I’m sicker, laying in bed or on the couch sleeping 16 hours a day and have nobody here to help me. If she would just talk and tell me what she wants. If I try to leave she won’t let me but if I want to talk she is quiet and needs time. I hope she will talk soon and realize that love is not as scary as she thinks it is. I know this is a big step in her life but it was a big step in mine too. You can’t run away or leave someone at the alter and think that is okay. Communication is always the way to go. 
Sorry I had to vent so you know that I’m in a dark place right now. 

Peach, Strawberry, Banana Smoothie 

12 Feb


(Not my photo, I didn’t make one tonight)

Do You Love Smoothies?

When I started to get sicker and sicker I stopped drinking soda, sugar and caffeine drinks all together and only drank water or decaf tea. Well after 5-6 years it kind of gets really boring and you crave a soda or something with a burst of flavor. I was drinking Kombucha and have written about it in the past. I also have been drinking a lot of sparkling water which is become more popular and now you can find many great flavor combos like watermelon and cucumber…etc. Walmart doesn’t carry them but Target and grocery stores do in many brands. 

Last year I began experimenting with making my own smoothies using my ninja mixer/blender. The great thing about smoothies is that you can make the smoothie to fit your dietary needs or nutritional needs using fruit, veggies or whatever you can have. You can use dairy, non-dairy, yogurt, ice cream, almond milk, cashew milk, water, coconut water….etc. I use jelly, jam, preserves or homemade jams and it really gives it a great flavor and texture with chunks of fruit. The sugar content depends on what you use so you can substitute with what you like or don’t like. Don’t be afraid to try anything in a smoothie, there are no rules. I add vanilla extract, cinnamon, maple syrup, nutmeg, honey, agave, strawberry jam, apple sauce, Greek yogurt, gogurt….whatever sounds interesting give it a try, don’t be shy. 

Peach/Strawberry/Banana Smoothie 

(Of course the fresher the ingredients or quality the better the smoothie)

In my largest mixing cup I think it’s a 32 oz, I add: 

Frozen (or fresh) Peaches 🍑 (about one peach or 6-8 slices) 

Fresh (or frozen) Strawberries 🍓 (handful or 5-6)

Large fresh or frozen Bananas 🍌 (1 to 1.5 depending on thickness)

Almond or Cashew Milk (I use 1/2 cup of Vanilla Almond/Cashew Milk blend) 

Simply Mixed Berry Juice (1/4 cup) 

Simply Orange Juice (1/4 cup) 

If there’s not enough liquid add more milk or water. The blend, I blend for 20 seconds or so. Should be pretty thick but half as thick as a milkshake. If you want it thicker add 2 bananas or try vanilla or plain yogurt. Enjoy! 

I like to use a mix of fresh with frozen fruit because the frozen fruit makes the smoothie more slushy and thicker. I use fresh strawberries since I don’t like my fruit overripe but I will add half frozen sometimes or all frozen if I’m out of strawberries. I use frozen peaches for the icy texture & peaches are hard to find year round. I use fresh bananas or frozen but I usually have a lot of bananas on hand. You can add pineapple slices for a nice tangy kick and for digestion. For a thick base I like to use a whole large banana or one and a half bananas if you like it thicker. I tried 2 large bananas and it was extra thick but the banana stole the flavor show. I prefer to use only yellow bananas and not ones with brown spots because the brown ones make it taste bitter or funky to me but if you like brown bananas give it a try. You can also add a dash of vanilla extract if you don’t have vanilla flavored milk or vanilla yogurt. 

Drive Across The U.S. – Moved 

24 Jan

I just drove for the first time in 6 years and drove 3200+ miles to my new home on the East Coast. I am from Northern California & The Bay Area so it’s a huge change. I did live in Oregon for a year so I am used to light snow and negative 10 degrees. There was a huge storm just south of me on my journey but I have to tip my hat to the road crews for keeping the interstate clear of snow. 

I traveled through the following states and will give me pros and cons. There was snow from Utah to my new state near NY. I took I-70 to I-80. From Eastern Colorado to border of Pennsylvania there isn’t much to see but flat land and wildfowl. It took 5 days on this trip and I drive an average of 10-11 hours per day. I left at 11am each day and missed all the traffic in cities. It’s good to take a trip and refresh your mind. 

California – my home state 

Nevada – drove through at night not much to see 

Arizona – couldn’t find one hotel to stop at, very sparse on 70 

Utah – beautiful rocks. Stayed at new La Quinta in Saint George it was the best hotel 

Colorado – hotel was stinky & small, Rockies were nice but not Denver, liked Vail 

Nebraska – not much to see, cheap gas 

Iowa – flat and not much to see 

Illinois – flat not much to see. Gas $1.69 

Indiana – interstate toll was $8.00 from one end to other end of state 

Ohio – interstate till was $18.50 from one end of state to other. Cheapest gas $1.43  

Pennsylvania – mountains, starts to get beautiful, stayed in nice hotel in Debois 

New York – $1.50 bridge toll, beatiful scenery 

Connecticut – beautiful state, snow, trees…. 
Now I’m here with my girlfriend and hoping this works out. I want to start a family with her and marry her but we will see how this goes. 

Malarone Side Effect – Quick Update 

5 Jan

Still not having any progress. Malarone gave me a bad side effect so I had to stop taking it. I’ve taken it a few times before but this was a first. They switched me back to Mepron, but my insurance won’t cover it so its $1300 so I can’t take it. The LDI last three doses did nothing for me. I’m down to 8-6c. Antibiotics are making me herx. Still flaring everyday and sweating severely but what’s new. I literally soak my bed and clothes everyday since I was 13 years old. Babesia is the top culprit but it just won’t seem to die. I’m getting ready to move to New Englamd area so I’m really busy and may have no internet for a while. Be back soon.
Hope you all are hanging in there ….. 


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